The Safe House and The Family Counselling Centre
“The Safe House” and its staff is one of the projects that we at The Family Counselling Centre (TFCC) support. The Safe House (TSH) is a place of safety for women and children who have been a victim of domestic abuse. It is situated in the middle of our “deep south” valley, in a secret location to ensure the safety of its residents. TFCC provides pro bono debriefing sessions when needed and individual counselling sessions for staff members. We also offer staff development for the housemothers, the social worker and the admin staff.
The recent staff development workshop was held on 28th June 2019. The topic was self-care and was held by Andrea Nettel. Zikho Mkosana from TFCC also joined in the session.
The 5 Aspects of Being Human
There are 5 main aspects to human life.
1. Physical – Eating Sleeping, Physical sense of well-being, health, Illness etc.
2. Productivity – work, school, housework, how productive do you feel?
3. Spirituality – How happy are you with your individual spiritual life? How well are you connected spiritually?
4. Social – Family and Friends, how good are my family interactions and my friendships?
5. Creativity – Anything from painting, art, knitting, baking, sinning dance, writing, etc. How much creativity is in your life?
These aspects need daily attention and need to be cared for. In order to find out how well you are doing, it is important to be able to rate yourself. This exercise is something you can do by yourself, or if you are a team leader you can encourage your team to spend a little bit of time at least once a week to assess themselves. The rating goes as follows: 10 means that this aspect is exactly where you would like it to be and 0 means it is nowhere to be found in your life right now. This rating will give you an idea where you feel uncomfortable and what does not need to be worked on right now.
The Safe House team seemed surprised at their ratings and found that they were generally high in their productivity, but other aspects of their lives were lacking desperately. This little exercise assisted them to identify areas of their lives they said they would like to improve or focus on.
What is stress?
The definition of stress according Google is pressure or tension exerted on something. Stress, in itself, is not a bad thing. The human body is created to deal with stress. In other words, you are created to deal with certain stressful situations in your life. There is “good” stress like excitement about going on a long-awaited holiday. There is also “bad” stress like lack of finances or relationship trouble. Ultimately stress can get us to finish things on time or organise last minute details before needing to get onto that plane that will take us to our holiday destination.
The problem really is when there is too much stress. Either stress that last for many months, or stress that is simply too great to handle.
Symptoms of too much stress
|Cognitive Symptoms |
• Memory problems
• Inability to concentrate
• Poor judgement
• Seeing only the negative
• Anxious or racing thoughts
• Constant worrying
• Irritability or short temper
• Agitation, inability to relax
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Sense of loneliness and isolation
• Depression or general unhappiness
|Physical Symptoms |
• Aches and pains
• Diarrhea or constipation
• Nausea, dizziness
• Chest pain, rapid heartbeat
• Loss of sex drive
• Frequent colds
• Eating more or less
• Sleeping to much or too little
• Isolating yourself from others
• Procrastinating or neglecting responsibility
• Using alcohol, cigarettes or drugs
• Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, tapping fingers)
Stress relief techniques
Stress relief, or self-care, is not a once a week thing. Or something we do when we are on our annual leave. Stress relief, and self-care needs to be implemented daily as a routine AND immediately as in response to stressful experiences. The internet is full of suggestions of stress-relief exercises and techniques. I have chosen to share these few because they are simple to use and I have found them to be very effective.
1. Healthy Living:
• Water consumption
• Sleep Hygiene
Take note of your water consumption and ensure you have a healthy balanced nutritional diet. Ensure your sleep hygiene is up to scratch. Everyone has different needs with regards to how many hours you might need. However, it is important to take care that the sleep you do get is quality sleep; That you have a bedtime routine to help your body to close off the day properly and that you sleep comfortably, waking up refreshed. Sunshine is a magnificent stress relief tool. It eases muscle tension, it builds up our vitamin D resources, it encourages healing, it is stimulating to get moving. And finally, having a spiritual connection a spiritual practice, will build resilience and decrease stress substantially.
Pockets are moments, 30 seconds to max 5 minutes, that are littered across your day. During a pocket take time to check in with your body, and yourself in general. You can take a moment while boiling the kettle and look out the window. Watch the tree swaying in the wind, enjoy the clouds dancing in the sky, rest your eyes upon a mountain or a sea view. While doing that drop your shoulders and slow down your breathing.
3. Finger Holding:
Eastern medicine and meridian work, western physios, massage therapists and chiropractors use meridian work to alleviate physical pain through dry needling, massage and pressure point release. Sports injuries have been proven to heal quicker with the use of meridian work.
A local study a few years back about schoolteachers and their stress levels made use of “Finger Holding” as one of the stress relief techniques. I cannot remember what the study aimed to achieve, however, there was an unexpected result that was NOT connected to the actual study and that was that ALL the teacher in the finger holding group felt that it was impressively helpful in reducing stress AND building resilience.
Each Finger is related to a certain emotion or stress feeling:
• Thumb = Emotional Pain (Sucking thumbs in children), Grief and tears
• Index Finger = Fear and terror (the naughty finger form authority)
• Middle Finger = Anger Rage and Resentment – (showing the middle finger)
• Ring Finger = Anxiety, worry, Preoccupation (Twirling the wedding ring nervously)
• Small Finger = lack of self-esteem, feeling like a victim (It is the smallest finger)
In short depending on how you feel you hold the corresponding finger with your other hand. Gently holding it you can do so without anyone knowing what you are doing or why you are doing it. Hold that finger until you feel a pulse, or until you feel better. You can do this regularly with each finger to balance and strengthen yourself. (e.g. every morning before you start you work) or you can do it as and when you feel stressed.
(Click here to go to the “Integrated Security” website for more information on finger holding technique)
The Safe House Team felt relieved that self-care could be as simple as that. All agreed that the kind of work they do at the safe house is high in stress, mainly because of the struggles their residents bring with them. We discussed extensively how the trauma of the residents effected the working environment and how each one of them can be personally affected by the clients they work with. Most of the team felt that the 5 aspects of being human were the most helpful and many committed themselves to make space for the aspects that they rated below six.